Should I or Shouldn’t I

I turned on my side to stay cuddled to Shyam. I asked him the same question again,”Shyam, Should I or Shouldn’t I “.I get to hear only a slight hmmm from him. This position of mine made me visualize the sweet reassuring smile of him even in his sleep. The same smile which made me have a second look at him even the very first instant I met him. The same smile which assured me before he went on to convince our parents, the same smile which ruled over my fear when we tied the nuptial knot.

Feeling the confines of his warmth, I start wondering how the magic of Shyam was bestowed on me. It all started 2 years back when I went on to work for a team in a new workplace far from my stay to which I can never imagine to drive. Cursing my manager for moving me to a team for a while which is completely new to me, I sat by the window seat of my office bus. Suddenly I heard a soft but deep male voice gesturing me to move my belonging so that he could take the seat next to me. Mesmerized by the magnificence of the voice, I almost dropped the book in my hand. With a gentle smile he bent down and handed John Grisham’s “THE INNOCENT MAN” to me. I could not stop wondering if this man is an innocent man as his smile echoes. I chuckled again at the thought of how I was drooling when I first saw him. Was it his smiling face held high in my favorite dark blue shirt? The slightest movement in me made Shyam tugging me closer to him.

It became a routine for us to sit close by every other day thereafter which started with a gentle head shake assuring the presence, proceeding to good morning wish, helping each other board bus on time later on to discussions about our job which grew to extents of mutually waiting to board bus based on work schedules. It never took us so long to realize that there was something beyond friendship happening between us. It was a wonderful feeling I had in my life realizing that there was someone close to my heart to whom I could blurt out whatever crap I think, who sensed slightest of my emotions and attended to it with utmost sensuality, on whom I was so possessive, mad and emotional about. My heart skipped beat if I missed every instant when I try reaching out to him and could not. There had been times when we went on arguing long , but long enough sensing the need to give importance to mutual feelings ,we ended up accepting what the other had suggested. Moments which still make me to relive them contentfully yet again.

“Enough of day dreaming sweetheart .It time for us to get ready to office” I hear Shyam whisper gently in my ears. Such simple acts of him make me crazy about him. I still wonder how like a magician he is able to revitalize all senses of mine drawing my attention only to him. As I carry out my daily chores I remember how I had blurted out to him during our earlier days “Shyam do you realize how you drive me crazy?” He gently pulled me towards him looking through my eyes and ended up saying “Aishu, you give words to your feeling but I relish believing it dear!”

Since the day I have been closer to Shyam, I have look forward to him for any major decision. Though I was so close to my parents I never gathered enough confidence to explain to them about Shyam. I feared that I could not take rejection from them in any form concerning me and Shyam. It was he who again gave me enough confidence and made me open up to them and make them understand what I actually felt. God bless everything worked out fine and we were blessed to take up the journey of life together. It was with this thought I had asked Shyam yesterday about his views on the suggestion by geetha. But I never could understand what he really felt. His face was impassive and the look in his eyes never conveyed anything to me as it usually does. First time since I met Shyam, I felt a sudden chill rise in my stomach. He was so alien to me.

With racing thoughts in my mind, I had been getting ready to work just like a robot. A word was never uttered in reply to my question except the hmmm. Silence between us was relished many a times but this silence was quite haunting. An air of uneasiness was passing which made it more difficult to handle. I felt like screaming at top of my voice “Shyam please end this. I could not take more. Say yes or no. Let us not proceed any further like this. It hurts badly. It hurts deeply.”

Silently he had his breakfast and when he was about to leave picking up his laptop bag he turned around to look at me. My face being an absolute reflex of my mind relayed my thoughts to him. He opened up his hands and gave the same reassuring smile. What more could I ask for? I ran to the warm confines of his arms and held him close to me. He immersed his head the crook of my neck and made me feel his warm breath which conveyed his love for me. Sensing my tears, Gently pressing his lips against my forehead his voice was sounding like a velvet cloth rubbing its softness against me, “Aishu Sorry dear It took me so long to reply to you but I wanted it to sound convincing .“I stopped him mid way and asked him “So you found a reply convincing enough for me is it now tell me Should I or Shouldn’t I “.

Drawing me closer to him he looked me into my eyes, an act which generally conveys thousands in an instant, he said “Aishu, you generally blog on varied topics, write stories be it of any genre but why should you write our own story? Let others be aware of the one liner You and I met, became friends, shared interests in common, fell in love and got married. Why give them every specifics of it as a story? Even though your words would convey the apt feelings I don’t think ours should be a story to be blogged because,”

“Because” I ask provocatively unable to hide my curiosity. Smiling though his eyes he replied “Because stories have a start and an end ours can never have an end. You and I will love each other forever!” Wanting to show my jubilation I hugged him closer radiating my feelings and I could in turn comprehend the reciprocation from Shyam too!

P.S: This Story is dedicated to my dear blogger friends who are together stepping into a new phase of life! Wishing them to have the permanent Masks of joy experiencing Ecstasy re-lived moments.